Story-Hope
I believe you can have a conversation with someone by looking for the best in them. I wrote these words and believe them to be true:
“We sling racial slurs like snowballs. We have been socialized not to talk about race and we have been taught that race is a real thing, when, in fact, it is something human beings have made up to describe our superficial differences. Few candid and revealing conversations occur across the so-called “racial divide.” That must change. Our own personal stories are a beginning.
How do you bridge a chasm that seems un-crossable? What do you do when civility flees, the indictments fly, and the discussion becomes a vulgar shouting match? How can people, engaged in a conversation, maintain their own identities and respect the identities of others? How do you address serious moral issues that have been overlooked or issues of social justice that have been denied? These questions are tough but stories may offer keys to the answers…”
Excerpt From Beyond Roses—An Obligation to Speak (p. 90)
In my book, Beyond Roses – An Obligation to Speak, I raise tough questions, remember fragile personal moments and offer a guide for learning to have conversations across lines of division – a dialogue across difference.
When people get to know each other – I mean REALLY get to know each other -- and to understand the other’s motivations and stories, then real fellowship begins. Polarized politics, segregated worship experiences, and competing demands for time/ attention/resources are keeping us apart. Zip codes, life styles, and points of privilege separate us. In many instances, we are not ready for a conversation. Our prejudices are so ingrained from childhood that we have trouble reaching beyond ourselves to connect. We travel miles and miles for intimate relationships but have little desire to connect with those down the street in urban and suburban communities – especially if we do not share ethnicities. According to data gathered by the Pew Research Center, about 30 percent of Americans never interact with their neighbors— never meet them, never talk to them, never have a conversation. Most don’t even know their names.
Yet I believe that a face-to-face conversation has the potential to reduce bigotry and increase radical empathy. It can ferret out false assumptions and replace them with real truths – at least truths that are meaningful for the person who has experienced them. In short, it can give hope. If we tell and listen to each other’s stories in our conversations, then we are much more likely to connect on human grounds and to see each other as human beings. But not everyone is comfortable telling stories for two common reasons: 1) sharing the way one sees the world may mean opening oneself to be vulnerable; and 2) shaping a story into a meaningful narrative can be a challenge. I believe the first is a chance worth taking and the second is something I can help you to do.
Everybody has stories…but which ones do you choose to share? How do you tell them so that they make a difference? How do you work them into a conversation?
It might be helpful to begin by asking yourself a few simple questions about a story you are looking to tell…
· Why is what happens in the story important to you?
· What do you have to lose or gain? What’s at stake in the story?
· What does it teach you about yourself? … or about someone else?
· What is the beginning, middle, end of the story?
· How does your story advance the conversation?
This blog encourages “Story-Hope.”